IS THERE A POINT TO EXISTENCE?

If you've ever been in a dark place mentally or you've battled with your mental health at any point in life, then this rant is for us (yes! myself included)

I've always wanted to know whether I am the only one losing my mind or the only person that cannot make the best of a bad time or the only one that cannot see the good in all the bad.

To be frank, I feel there is no point for existence. Sometimes, I question the reason for my existence because I don't see a reason for being here in the first place. Like why do I have to exist? Why all the stress? Why do I have to chase dreams? Why do I have to do things in life like getting married, having kids, getting a degree, being rich and all of life's struggles. What would happen if I don't? On the contrary, if I decide to do all these, would I be satisfied?

A lot of time I have battled with myself in my head, and it has made people regard me as crazy - well maybe I am, maybe I'm not, or maybe I just want to see reasons for being here! Whenever my mind misbehaves, I wish I am someone else, I wish I don't think about our existence but the truth is we are here. So, maybe there is a point to existence; a point that remains mysterious. 

These days, once the walls start caving in and I feel trapped in my head, all I say to myself is "just keep going". I mean for whatsoever reason that I was made to be here in the first place, even if I don't know yet, I am here already and all I can do is stay here and experience the drama unfold. 

To be honest, I have a thousand and one reasons to  give up but I also have just one reason to not give up and the one reason is suspense. I love suspense in movies, I like to know what happens in the end, so yeah I want to know what happens next in life. Whenever my mental health episode pops up, all I do is look forward to the next thing that will unfold. My life is a book of many episodes and I'm a crazy reader so as a crazy reader, I want to see what the next episodes entails. You can decide to be a crazy reader in your life's book too and always look forward to what happens next.

The moral of this rant is to tell you that instead of giving up and thinking of leaving, think of what will happen next. What if there is a change in the story? What if there is a plot twist in the next episode? What if there is a point to existence? What if all these what ifs are just what ifs? No matter the amount of what ifs, I want you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and it gets better in the end. Even if it doesn't get better in the end, at least there is an end in sight. So, chin up my darling and stay with me, let's battle life together.  

Till I write to you again, please stay and let's find a reason to live. I love you and I will always be here for you. I will always be here if you need someone to talk to.