Fragments, People, Me ....

I have a problem with opening up to people, getting close to people or talking to people about anything because it's tough for me. Most times, I just want to handle life alone and struggle all the time. Don't tell me that I need people --Look, I know I do-- but the issue is this; getting close to me means that along the line, a part of you will become a part of me. I know that it sounds weird but it is what it is.  So forgive me if I have pushed  you away or I am pushing you away  I just don't want to  grow fond of you and when you leave I pick up your fragment  like souvenirs. 

Who am I? I see myself as a fragment of everyone I have loved as well as everyone I love. For instance, I love to cook because my sister loves it, I love big cars because of the way my bestfriend loves them, I love short hair because someone loves me for it, I love accessories because at a point in my life someone kept on buying them for me, I love certain music because it reminds me of certain people, I could go on and on about all these which bring back both good and bad memories but I would rather keep it short. As a fragment of everyone, I tend to take something from all of my friends no matter how weird it is.

For every person that is in my life or everyone that have left my life, there is always a piece of everyone and I can't seem to let go. Sometimes when I remember or think about this, I cry or beam with a beautiful smile. 

The truth is that people come and go, people die, people outgrow each other and people break hearts too.I know that it's amazing to build a network of people but at this point all I can say is that I don't want to get close to a lot of people again. I just want to  maintain the few ones I have as well as the few ones who have left a piece of themselves with me. Don't misinterprete my choice for pride, all I am saying is that I just don't want to carry a luggage full of a lot of people's emotions and attitudes. I really hope you understand that I'm saying this simply because I don't want to add a piece of anyone to myself again. 

To everyone that I ever love, loved or cherish, I want you know that you left a piece of yourself with me and I have agreed to accept this.

To everyone we have lost, may we be granted the peace to fill the void.

To everyone like me, I hope that you find the exact piece of the person you want. I love you and I will always be here rooting for you. Till I write to  you again,stay safe  and stay sane.

Hugs 🤗