what Keeps you going?

I don't think I mean a lot to people around me or people that I really care about. I usually and still think that everyone will be fine without me being around as I make little or no impact in anyone's life (don't get me wrong, it's just my perception of myself)

For the few years when I was consistent with therapy sessions, I had this crazy urge (maybe I still do) to keep going and when I'm asked why, the answer is simple; I don't want to see my parent and siblings grieve.

I have seen them get worried about me a lot of times, and I have noticed how super excited they always feel seeing me; the smiles, the hugs, the genuine feelings. 

It gets hard and my mind gets crazy at times, especially when I feel like shutting everyone out and be on my own till my hyper mood is back. However, the truth is that in any of my moods, my mind just seem to sync along and let me be. This is a source of my strength. 

Another thing that keeps me going is the fact that I feel I have a purpose to fulfil and a lot of people's  dreams are tied to mine, I just can't watch people's  hope vanish if anything happens to me. So when  things get tough, whenever my thoughts races and anxiety sweeps all over me, I remind myself of my responsibility then I pick up my weary crown and put it on, covering my heavy thoughts. 

On some other days when I don't even have the strength to do get up, I let go of everything and everyone and just hide in my shell until I feel whole again. It's too late to give up.

I hope you take this blog post as a reminder, so whenever life gets at you so hard, remember me and keep going because I won't be happy if anything happens to you. You are a warrior, keep going. 

I love you  and I am here rooting hard for you. No matter what happens, stay strong.